I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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