What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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