Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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