I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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