My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
