Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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