God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
