What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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