I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize