We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
