Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
