Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
