I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
