I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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