I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
