We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
