Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
