OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
