Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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