I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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