so explain again why im purple
no
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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