i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
