drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
