The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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