Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.

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  (805): just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/ly75
  Replies (7) Good night (6245) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move

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  (319): Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move http://tfl.nu/sk1v
  Replies (15) Good night (4389) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.

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  (814): shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step. http://tfl.nu/6g1i
  Replies (16) Good night (6309) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.

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  (971): Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin. http://tfl.nu/6hx6
  Replies (6) Good night (2116) Bad night (1552) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...

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  (906): He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me... http://tfl.nu/pc0c
  Replies (21) Good night (1950) Bad night (3525) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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  (952): I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing. http://tfl.nu/jvox
  Replies (25) Good night (1541) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before

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  (678): Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before http://tfl.nu/x76s
  Replies (9) Good night (888) Bad night (2628) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

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  (917): Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night? http://tfl.nu/29mg
  Replies (11) Good night (3642) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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  (954): his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here. http://tfl.nu/eop3
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (1362)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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  (252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1103) Bad night (485)
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  (760): View more from California

  She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder

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  (760): She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder http://tfl.nu/mb3b
  Replies (3) Good night (920) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.

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  (206): when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other. http://tfl.nu/no1k
  Replies (9) Good night (1605) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.

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  (270): You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/j0k2
  Replies (16) Good night (1554) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me

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  (815): This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me http://tfl.nu/y5v6
  Replies (6) Good night (290) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS

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  (334): OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS http://tfl.nu/wcsc
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt

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