I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
