I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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