okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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