the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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