I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
