A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
