im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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