Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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