i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
