Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
