sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You smell like stripper and shame
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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