if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm at about main and main street
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
