whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
