did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
