I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
