Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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