About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
