Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
