I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
