i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
