Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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