so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
