carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
