i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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