New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
