The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
