I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
