new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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