I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
