So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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