I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
