i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
