I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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