You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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