so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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