Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
