My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
