i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize