he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
