Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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